I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
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Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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