i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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