Are we in a gay sports bar?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
