I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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