Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
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Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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