All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
