; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
