We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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