Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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