rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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