this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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