A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
