She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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