I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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