I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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