Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Randomize
