Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
