the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
