I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
