I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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