she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
