I met the friendliest cop last night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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