I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
