okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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