mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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