I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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