Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
