I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
