I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She bit a glass in half.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
