He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
