I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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