worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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