I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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