There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
