white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
