Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
