You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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