we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
