I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
