You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize