South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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