Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
