mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Couch. On fire.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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