I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I met the friendliest cop last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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