if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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