i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
there was a trapeze. enough said
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
