don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
