Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
