but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
