But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize