Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
