I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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