Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
