It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
