can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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