I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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