When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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