We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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