Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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