I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
