How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
