eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
