Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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