Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
