Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
FUCK WHALES
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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