My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
