so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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