Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
