i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
