He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
