I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
