I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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