I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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