Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
