I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
