we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
