Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
