Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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