Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
