make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
