apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my shit smells like andre
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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