I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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