it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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