Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Randomize
