why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
