Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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