Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
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hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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