My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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